They say love is blind - for a reason. Most women, when dating, tend to ignore or justify their man's bad habits or character traits that they find annoying. In fact, when in love, these annoying habits might even seem "endearing". But things begin to change once the relationship loses its initial excitement, and the euphoria of being in love begins to fade. Gradually your eyes begin to open. You become acutely aware of all his annoying habits, and they really do annoy you! Suddenly his sloppy ways of leaving his clothes around the place begin to irritate you, and you get fed up with constantly picking up after him. You can't understand how a grown man can leave his clothes on the floor. Or why his car is always such a mess, with empty packets of crisps, used soft drinks cans, or other unmentionable gross detritus. Or why he never gets why you want him to leave the toilet seat down.
What women need to realise is that being in love is no excuse for missing potential red relationship flags. This dating advice is probably the best I can give you. When you date someone, no matter how much you think you love them, and want to be with them, it is crucial that you make a deliberate effort to acknowledge their flaws. See and accept that these flaws exist, and that they aren't endearing any more. Once you have accepted this, you need to analyze the situation, and think long and hard about whether or not you can live with these flaws in the long-term. Assuming that you would like the relationship to be long-lasting, and mutually supportive, you need to be completely honest with yourself, and objective. The most important factor is to know that you can influence and guide another person, but you can never change them.
Many women make the mistake of thinking they can change their man. You can influence him, help him to become a better person, a better version of himself; you may bring out the best in him, but you can never CHANGE him.
So what are the deal-breakers for you? For example, you are a busy woman, dating an equally busy man. You might feel that you should spend most of your precious free time together. He might feel that he wants to spend time with his family, or go out regularly with his mates. Are you OK with this?
One woman might choose to share her man with his family. They may agree to have fortnightly Sunday dinners with them. Another woman might expect her man to make her his number one priority, and spend all his free time with her, which would mean him having to sacrifice his relationship with his family. The first woman who wants to share her man with his family will probably win out. Her relationship with him will surely last much longer, and could lead to long-term commitment or even marriage. The second would probably end rapidly, as he would see her as selfish, self-centered and demanding. Making small sacrifices for your man, or negotiating a compromise acceptable to you both, will go a long way to making your relationship long-lasting and enjoyable.
It is essential to realize your worth and expect respectful treatment, but you also need to be realistic in your demands. When you observe a bad habit in your man, first of all try to separate the trait from the person. And secondly, do not take it personally. If he drops his clothes on the floor, he probably always did it. (Maybe his mother never taught him pick up after himself). But on the other hand, if he knows that it really bothers you, and he really wants to please you, he will probably learn to tidy up, especially if you are able to negotiate with him in a gentle, loving and uncritical way.
Another way of judging whether he is long-term material is to watch how he treats those he feels are inferior to him. He may treat you like his long-lost princess, but if he is rude and offensive to the waiter, beware. When the first flush of love has begun to wear off, he may well treat you in the same way. Could you accept this? Should you accept this? A little warning sign to make you think long and hard about his suitability for you.
Open your eyes to the flaws, red flags and possible danger signs, and analyse them; weigh them up on the scales, and decide objectively if they are acceptable to you in the long-term. Be courageous, and never forget that you are a precious and valuable human being, who deserves to be treated with respect and love. Remember the most important fact is that you may influence your man through loving care, and guide him to being his better self, but you can never change him. If you observe a trait in your man that you absolutely cannot live with, then have the courage to walk away before it is too late. As women, we must refuse to remain in unhealthy relationships. However, if you believe that, on balance, the small sacrifices and compromises are worth it, and that he probably has to deal with some of your own equally irritating traits and flaws, then you are well on your way to sustaining a long-term, healthy and loving relationship.
Elizabeth Arnott is the owner of and contributor to the website http://www.touchstonemen.com - dating and relationship advice for women. All women need their "Touchstone Man" - a person of importance, your significant other, the one who completes you and makes you whole, a true friend who loves you unconditionally. Check out the website for more great articles and relationship advice.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Elizabeth_Arnott/1057136Is Love Making You Blind ?
They say love is blind - for a reason. Most women, when dating, tend to ignore or justify their man's bad habits or character traits that they find annoying. In fact, when in love, these annoying habits might even seem "endearing". But things begin to change once the relationship loses its initial excitement, and the euphoria of being in love begins to fade. Gradually your eyes begin to open. You become acutely aware of all his annoying habits, and they really do annoy you! Suddenly his sloppy ways of leaving his clothes around the place begin to irritate you, and you get fed up with constantly picking up after him. You can't understand how a grown man can leave his clothes on the floor. Or why his car is always such a mess, with empty packets of crisps, used soft drinks cans, or other unmentionable gross detritus. Or why he never gets why you want him to leave the toilet seat down.
What women need to realise is that being in love is no excuse for missing potential red relationship flags. This dating advice is probably the best I can give you. When you date someone, no matter how much you think you love them, and want to be with them, it is crucial that you make a deliberate effort to acknowledge their flaws. See and accept that these flaws exist, and that they aren't endearing any more. Once you have accepted this, you need to analyze the situation, and think long and hard about whether or not you can live with these flaws in the long-term. Assuming that you would like the relationship to be long-lasting, and mutually supportive, you need to be completely honest with yourself, and objective. The most important factor is to know that you can influence and guide another person, but you can never change them.
Many women make the mistake of thinking they can change their man. You can influence him, help him to become a better person, a better version of himself; you may bring out the best in him, but you can never CHANGE him.
So what are the deal-breakers for you? For example, you are a busy woman, dating an equally busy man. You might feel that you should spend most of your precious free time together. He might feel that he wants to spend time with his family, or go out regularly with his mates. Are you OK with this?
One woman might choose to share her man with his family. They may agree to have fortnightly Sunday dinners with them. Another woman might expect her man to make her his number one priority, and spend all his free time with her, which would mean him having to sacrifice his relationship with his family. The first woman who wants to share her man with his family will probably win out. Her relationship with him will surely last much longer, and could lead to long-term commitment or even marriage. The second would probably end rapidly, as he would see her as selfish, self-centered and demanding. Making small sacrifices for your man, or negotiating a compromise acceptable to you both, will go a long way to making your relationship long-lasting and enjoyable.
It is essential to realize your worth and expect respectful treatment, but you also need to be realistic in your demands. When you observe a bad habit in your man, first of all try to separate the trait from the person. And secondly, do not take it personally. If he drops his clothes on the floor, he probably always did it. (Maybe his mother never taught him pick up after himself). But on the other hand, if he knows that it really bothers you, and he really wants to please you, he will probably learn to tidy up, especially if you are able to negotiate with him in a gentle, loving and uncritical way.
Another way of judging whether he is long-term material is to watch how he treats those he feels are inferior to him. He may treat you like his long-lost princess, but if he is rude and offensive to the waiter, beware. When the first flush of love has begun to wear off, he may well treat you in the same way. Could you accept this? Should you accept this? A little warning sign to make you think long and hard about his suitability for you.
Open your eyes to the flaws, red flags and possible danger signs, and analyse them; weigh them up on the scales, and decide objectively if they are acceptable to you in the long-term. Be courageous, and never forget that you are a precious and valuable human being, who deserves to be treated with respect and love. Remember the most important fact is that you may influence your man through loving care, and guide him to being his better self, but you can never change him. If you observe a trait in your man that you absolutely cannot live with, then have the courage to walk away before it is too late. As women, we must refuse to remain in unhealthy relationships. However, if you believe that, on balance, the small sacrifices and compromises are worth it, and that he probably has to deal with some of your own equally irritating traits and flaws, then you are well on your way to sustaining a long-term, healthy and loving relationship.
Elizabeth Arnott is the owner of and contributor to the website http://www.touchstonemen.com - dating and relationship advice for women. All women need their "Touchstone Man" - a person of importance, your significant other, the one who completes you and makes you whole, a true friend who loves you unconditionally. Check out the website for more great articles and relationship advice.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Elizabeth_Arnott/1057136
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